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A story of loss in pregnancy.
The Angel Baby Project
This project honors one of my best friends, Amanda, and her son, Jacob, who passed in utero at 28 weeks due to cardiomyopathy. My hope is to provide a free service to parents who have received a poor diagnosis in their pregnancy--an ultrasound to help memorialize and record their baby's heartbeat in an Angel Bear.
Jacob's Story
Written by Jacob's Mother, Amanda
I feel like our story is one of awareness. Unfortunately, in pregnancy, I've learned there is no safe zone ever really. We were past 12 weeks. Everything seemed to be going great. Pregnancies should be celebrated at any gestation, if people choose, of course. Our story shows that the 20 week ultrasound is not just to find out the gender of your baby, it is to find out if your baby is growing the way he or she should be. At the time of the 20 week ultrasound, we didn’t want to know the gender. Our only concern was the health of our baby. Unfortunately, the ultrasound showed some possible problems with the heart and brain. At 24 weeks, they did a fetal MRI and a fetal echocardiogram. The echocardiogram showed that he had an enlarged heart. At that point we were told that I would have to transfer to Albany Med for delivery, and possibly may even need to deliver at Boston Children’s Hospital. We were told that even if he survived to full-term, we would have to have a C-section because his heart would not be able to endure labor and a vaginal delivery. If he survived the delivery, he would need a heart transplant. I can’t even describe how we felt after hearing all of that. We told our families, everyone tried to stay pretty positive and said maybe they were wrong. It was beyond devastating. Waiting for our next appointment was brutal. So many thoughts! So many worries! One day, I accidentally found of the sex of the baby on some of the medical records I was going through. It was such a bittersweet moment. I told Chris, "It's a boy!" We cried tears of sadness, grief, and love. We decided to name him Jacob David. Naming him was so important to us...Our son! No matter what was going to happen, we loved him with everything we had!
That first week of August, we had our first appointment at Albany Med MFM. I was 28 weeks. I was waiting for my husband, Chris, to get there from work. When the nurse used the Doppler on my belly, she couldn’t find the heartbeat. She tried to reassure me and said they would do an ultrasound. But I knew, I knew he was gone. From my own experience in working as Labor and Delivery nurse, I could see the panic in her face. I had only worked in L&D for about six months at that point. When Chris arrived, they did the ultrasound and told us he had passed. His heart had stopped working, and his lungs had filled with fluid. I’d like to think that he passed peacefully and warm in my belly, surrounded by my love.
Jacob David Hughes was born an angel on August 6th, 2016.
Amanda and Chris happily welcomed two healthy children after the loss of Jacob.
The Angel Bear
